My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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