Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
