just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
