My first STD was from a foam party
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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