You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
