would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
