I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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