I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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