How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
