marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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