His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
