I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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