i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
