I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
