OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize