You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
