I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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