i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
