he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
