My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
