Do you still have your period?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
