i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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