well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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