were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
