I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
