What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
