Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
