I just made out with a guy for $7.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
