I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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