Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize