piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Screwed.edu
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
