1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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