she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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