someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
