Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
