Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
