I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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