i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
