you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
