I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He has the fingertips of a God
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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