it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i believe in u and ur pee
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
