Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
time to smoke my breakfast
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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