when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
