Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
