Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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