i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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