Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
