quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
