i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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