theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize