yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just had sex bonerless
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
