Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We don't watch enough power rangers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
