I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
