you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
