I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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