Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
