is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
