I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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