Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
