Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
