I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
