I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
