i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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