Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
