Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish there were birth control emojis
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize