Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't turn off my feet"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize