Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
