If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
